When Knowing You’re Enough Still Feels Unsafe
The Self-Acceptance Series for Therapists Part 1
There’s a moment every therapist recognises.
A client looks up and says, “I know it’s not rational to think I’m unworthy… but it still feels true.”
And often, if we’re honest, we recognise that same split within ourselves.
We know the compassionate truth. We’ve done the cognitive work. We can even teach it.
But the body… still flinches.
This is the quiet contradiction at the heart of self-acceptance:
the mind may accept what the body still resists.
When the Body Says No
For many clients, and many therapists, self-acceptance doesn’t fail because the thinking is wrong. It fails because the nervous system hasn’t caught up.
A belief such as “I am worthy of rest” might sound beautifully rational, yet if the body associates stillness with danger, rejection, disapproval, loss, rest will trigger threat rather than calm.
In these moments, the nervous system isn’t being “irrational.” It’s being loyal. It remembers what kept us safe once, even when that safety required self-denial.
So when the body says no, it isn’t rejecting worthiness …. it’s protecting survival.
Understanding the Disconnect
From a trauma-informed perspective, self-acceptance requires more than cognitive disputation.
If the nervous system is still operating from hypervigilance or collapse, new beliefs will feel unsafe to embody.
Polyvagal theory helps explain this gap. When clients (or we ourselves) are in a defensive state, the social engagement system, where connection, curiosity, and compassion live, goes offline. Positive or rational beliefs, no matter how accurate, can inadvertently activate the very threat responses we’re trying to calm.
This is why so many clients say, “I know it’s not true… but I can’t feel it.”
It isn’t resistance. It’s physiology.
From Insight to Integration
Cognitive therapies like REBT and CBT give clients awareness, the ability to see, name, and challenge beliefs. But integration begins after disputation.
It’s the stage where insight meets embodiment, where a client doesn’t just think I am enough, but begins to feel safe being enough.
In practical terms, this means slowing down the pace of cognitive work when threat activation is present. It means orienting to safety before exploring belief change. It means noticing not just what the client says, but how their body responds as they say it.
When we introduce somatic awareness alongside cognitive restructuring, self-acceptance becomes more than an idea. It becomes an experience.
Therapist Reflection
How do you recognise when your client’s body is in a defensive state, even as they say the “right” words?
What happens in your own body when a client struggles to accept a positive belief?
In moments of resistance, can you meet the body’s no with curiosity rather than correction?
These reflections help us hold a more compassionate frame, one where the nervous system is not an obstacle to healing, but a doorway into it.
Bringing It Into Practice
Next time a client affirms a healthier belief, invite a pause.
Notice the micro-shifts, the breath, posture, gaze.
Ask gently, “As you say that, what happens inside?”
If there’s tension or contraction, stay there a moment. Breathe with it. This isn’t regression; it’s integration beginning.
Because before self-acceptance can take root, the body must know it’s safe to believe it.
Deepen the work
If this exploration of safety and self-worth resonates, you’ll find it deeply expanded inside The Self-Worth Integration Series — a four-part training for therapists bridging cognitive insight with embodied change.
Live sessions begin November 4th, with full replays available if that date has passed.
🔗 Learn more or join the series here.